Be in it

Hey lovie pies! I hope you all had a great weekend! I know I did because I spent my time visiting the ones I love while enjoying the beautiful summer weather 🙂
So let me rewind back a few days and fill ya in!
As I was finally felling better after having the stomach bug my mom and I went to visit my grammy at her house since she just had surgery last week. Of course it wouldn’t be a complete week if I didn’t have lunch with her 😉 Since she didn’t really feel like going out we instead got take out from a local Irish pub.
I got very anxious and nervous beforehand because since we weren’t at the restaurant there wasn’t a menu for me to check out and view the food. I ordered the baked haddock and hoped that I would enjoy it.
As soon as I opened up the container ED began to freak out and immediately told me I could NOT eat that piece of fish because of the “mysterious” sauce that was all over it. I just looked at it took a deep breath and told ED to shut up and that I was going to eat and enjoy my meal.
My lunch also came with a side of rice and coleslaw. I was hoping it would have came with a veggie but it didn’t and there was nothing I could do about it then. I also had two mini rolls as well. And yes I did say coleslaw and yes I did eat every single bite of it. That’s right! Restaurant made coleslaw made! It was very scary for me to eat it because I didn’t know exactly what was in it, how many calories in it, or how exactly it fit into my meal plan. But who cares besides ED? Well certainly not me because I just ate it!
After this meal I kind of regretted eating everything because after looking at it ED told me it was too much and I was fat and was now a part of the Clean Plate Club! But I ignored his irrational thoughts and told myself as I am in recovery it is very important that I am eating everything I am required to and that I am follow my meal plan.
Saturday morning arrived and we were off to CT to visit my cousins with my mom, sisters,and cousin!

Before we left I had a yogurt mess of Yoplait Greek, MG Cheerios, banana, and Teddie’s pb.Snackin’ on the road was necessary. I had a pack of peanut butter crackers and these remind me of my childhood so much. Who else would take the crackers apart and lick the pb off and then eat the crackers?! 
Valvala’s was a cute lil deli shop which was super crowded when we got there so I knew it was popular.
My uncle said they had great subs and sandwiches and let me tell you they sure did!


This sandwich was loaded with Boar’s Head turkey, american cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. It was so big I could barely fit it in my mouth (TWSS). I also had pretzels as well.
We finally arrived at my cousin’s house and it was so nice to finally visit them in their new home!
I was greeted by this little bull dog, Rosie!
and a pantry that was stocked just like a Trader Joe’s store! Umm so when can I move in?! Hah. 
We hung out at the beach for the afternoon since it was so beautiful out and snacked on a packet of peanuts. The beach was a blast with my family and cousins 🙂


When my aunt asked us what we wanted for dinner and my mom replied with chinese food I wanted to punch her in the face. Of course I really did NOT want to, but ED sure made me want to. I haven’t had chinese food ever since I developed my ED and it has definitely and still is a big fear food. I am afraid of it since it is such a different type of food and I never know what the food will look like. I like the feeling of knowing what my food is going to look like and I feel like Chinese food is always kind of a mystery. But then when I acutally see a certain dish that is presented I never thought of it looking like that. I don’t know if that makes any sense but that is just how I feel! I never know how exaclty it fits into my meal plan, if I am eating enough or too much, and I also hate how most of the foods are cooked with unknown sauces that ED tells me to stay away from and overall Chinese food just puts me over the edge! I hate it. 
I am pretty sure I analyzed the menu for a good solid ten minutes figuring out what I wanted. My mom told me I was going to eat what was being ordered and not have a special meal. Eek!
The place we ordered out from, Tengda was more of an Asian Bistro reataurant so it offered both Asian and Chinese dishes.

Once I saw what we ordered I felt a major sense of relief because I saw foods that I knew I could handle eating! I just always think of Chinese food as being greasy heavy food like lo mein noodles, crab rangoons, beef/chicken on a stick etc. But I know there are other healthier options I can also choose from as well.

I had some pineapple shrimp, steamed broccoli, and whole grain rice! Times this plate about twice. OMG! Have you ever had or even heard of pinepple shrimp before?! Well I certaintly had not and let me tell you I loved it! It was cooked shrimp mixed with pineapples, onions, and peppers all mixed in a sweet sauce. I will be on the look out for this the next time I order Chinese! 

After a late fun Saturday night with my cousins Sunday morning arose and it was breakfast time as well as Father’s Day! My uncle got an iPad that my aunt hunted down all over Manhattan for! Can you say jealous?!
My aunt told me she loves Almond milk and doesn’t drink cow’s milk so I decided to give it a try and let me tell you it was…yuck! I was not a big fan of it. Perhaps it was since it was unsweetened but it tasted totally different from regular cow’s milk that I am used to. So at last, I stuck with a glass of Organic cow’s milk.
My aunt told me she loves Almond milk and doesn’t drink cow’s milk so I decided to give it a try and let me tell you it was…yuck! I was not a big fan of it. Perhaps it was since it was unsweetened but it tasted totally different from regular cow’s milk that I am used to. So at last, I stuck with a glass of Organic cow’s milk.


My aunt told me she loves Almond milk and doesn’t drink cow’s milk so I decided to give it a try and let me tell you it was…yuck! I was not a big fan of it. Perhaps it was since it was unsweetened but it tasted totally different from regular cow’s milk that I am used to. So at last, I stuck with a glass of Organic cow’s milk.

I also found this guy in the fridge and gave it a try as well. But again it was yuck! I have seen this pb at TJ’s before and of course my aunt had it since she pretty much has everything from Trader Joe’s 😉 This pb was very grainy since it contained flaxseed and was crunchy. I was not a fan so I stuck with the jar of Justin’s nut butter from the pantry.
Yoplait Greek yogurt (which they had as well!), MG Cheerios and banana topped with Justin’s and a glass of milk.My aunt is all about living a healthy lifestyle which I LOVE! She has two lil cute kids, works, and exercises! Oh did I mention she like to shops?! Hah! She is a fit woman eats healthy and well, indulges in treats, and does not obsess or worry about her weight. She works out regularly and is a woman who I look up to so much 🙂 Visiting her this weekend really got me motivated to recover from my ED!

The reason we went to CT was to visit my cousin’s new house and for my sister’s lax tourney on Sunday. Lunch was eaten back at my cousin’s house and then the rest of the day was spent watching my sister’s five lacrosse games in the scorching heat!

Snack was a serving of a trail mix from Trader Joe’s that I took from my cousin’s house. I used to avoid away from the mixes that contained chocolate and such but now I don’t! This mix contain almonds, peanuts, raisins, and M & M’s!

After a long day filled with lacrosse it was ready to hit the road back home. We grabbed dinner at a service center where I picked up a Southwest Grilled Chicken salad with romaine lettuce, corn, black beans, tomatoes, pepper, cheese and tortilla strips! I also had a bag of pretzels as well.


We got home around 11pm and even though I usually have my evening snack well before that I still managed to have it. My ED voice kept telling me not to have it since it was too late but I ignored him and enjoyed a frozen Vanilla Boost.
Yesterday morning was the first day of summer and I enjoyed a yogurt mess for breakfast.
Yoplait Greek yogurt, Honey Nut Cheerios, banana, and Teddie’s peanut butter with a glass of milk.

I then had my therapy appointment which went very well! I really do love her and enjoy working with her. We talked about a lot of stuff like focusing on the present and not worrying about the future because there is nothing I can do about the future now! What I need to do is to focus on the present and then the future will take care of itself. We also talked about being IN IT. I need to be in recovery and not hanging out with ED because he will get me no where!


Afterwards I went to pick up a few things at the store, bananas, apples, pears, turkey, yogurt, Lipton Iced tea packets, Purely O’s Cascadian Farms for only $2.99! and PB & Co. The Bee’s Knees!
Lunch was a wheat turkey panini with american cheese and sliced pears with pretzels and the rest of the pear on the side.


PM snack was TJ’s trail mix again. It is an addiction!
Baked salmon, rice, broccoli, and a roll with butter.
Now on to dinner!Last week I picked up some frozen salmon from Trader Joe’s and decided to cook it up tonight. When it comes to dinner
time I usually just want something quick and easy to make so I

But last night since I had the kitchen to myself I decided to take the time and cook my own dinner! I pan fried the salmon on the stove top and drizzeld some olive oil and seasoning on top and cooked 5 minutes on both sides. I was so proud of myself for not having a frozen dinner and was able to cook my own dinner! I really loved it and that is why I am going to stray away from frozen entrees and cook more of my own dinner meals!

I know it may sound weird but I was very proud of myself for cooking my own dinner without relying on frozen meals or my mom to make me dinner. I can’t wait to cook more of my own dinner meals 🙂
Whew! Well that was a long post and if you got through it all then give yourself a lil pat on the back!
Have a great Tuesday and I am off to enjoy the summer weather!



24 thoughts on “Be in it

  1. hey jenna! looks like you challenged yourself a lot these past few days. im proud of you.i know chinese food can be "scary." im chinese and i dont even eat it that often. we have a restaurant though and my dad has taught me how he cooks some of the stuff. it's actually not that bad. he uses minimal oil and a LOT less salt for me. the sauces are kind of high in sodium though. that's so awesome that your aunt is so healthy and fit. definitely a good role model for you.hope you're doing well!!

  2. thanks jqlee! i definitely agree with you that i tried to challenge myself this weekend :)and guess what?! i ate those challenging foods and i sm still here alive! nothing BAD happened!jenna

  3. I too freak out about sauces and stuff on my food but the point is you challenged yourself and followed through! So proud of you :)

  4. jenna i am smiling from ear to ear right now:-)!!!!!!!! this was so encouraging and im sooo freakin proud of u! its nice to be around pple like ur aunt and it reminds u that its totally possible to live a healthy lifestyle xoxoxoxkatie anneps that whole chinese food fiasco sounds like sumthing my mom would do as well. after all these years she quite skepitcal as to whther or not i can REALLY do this!

  5. good job on the meal with your g-ma! sometimes you just gotta go with the flow! And so proud of you for challenging your ed so much this week! You were able to make a yogurt mess at your aunts house?! I would never be able to that at any of mine. They wouldn't have the right ingredients, but it sounds like your aunt's pantry is loaded with good stuff. I am going to have to try yoplait greek yogurt! I am getting so sick of Fage!xoxo

  6. way to go jenna! major snaps for conquering your fear of chinese food!that pineapple shrimp sounds great!oh and i used to love those pb cracker sammies…my best friend and i would scrape out the PB, roll it into logs to see who could make a longer one. and then we ate it. totally disgusting, but at age 7, it was the best! 🙂

  7. Jenna, It sounds like you had a great weekend and made a ton of progress recovery wise. Eating out all the time and facing fear foods…that's awesome! Keep up the good work : )

  8. i prefer my almond milk unsweetened, and on cereal. i NEVER drink it straight, ick, but then again I was never the kind who drank a glass of milk straight either (i just cant stand the taste??)i have been there – mystery menus, mystery sauces, soooo stressful! proud of you for being strong about it!i think…i think there's a tendency when we recover to view our disorder as something "separate" from us – but when you realize that "ED" is actually YOU, you can figure out how to stop fighting yourself.

  9. ilana, i defs think that was the problem when i tried the almond milk! i shouldnt have drinken it straight (yuck). i defs should have tried it cooked in oatmeal or in cereal! i will defs be giving it another shot and perhaps the sweetened!jenna

  10. Jenna! great job on dinner! lovve salmon, it is soo easy and tastayyy and it is a perfect college kinda meal! as for the chinese food, I totally know what you mean…the sauces are completely a mystery. But treat it like any other restaurant and indulge a bit?? That's how I deal =)

  11. Hi lovely :)Your recovery blog is super inspiring and you have conquered so much!Keep up the wonderful work my dear!floey.

  12. You seem to be making AMAZING progress despite the horrible thoughts and your ED still being ever present. keep going and never forget to recognise how much you are acheiving, and how much you still CAN acheive! plus, that chinese looks yummy..and actually very healthy:) xx

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