Best friends

Hey! I hope you are all having a great week so far 🙂 Mine has been going well except for the fact that it was freezing and raining all day 😦 But at least on the bright side this weekend it supposed to be in the 80’s!! Now that is what I am talkin’ about.

So I have something that has been on my mind for quite some time and I would like to share it with you! Ever since I got diagnosed with an ED last year, one of my bestest best friends has not been the same best friend I knew before. The whole time while I was in treatment for a month I never heard from her, recieved a card, or even got a visit from her. Now of course I was not expecting her to do any of this for me,
but I was hoping she would at least be there for me as I was going through such a difficult time in my life and she wasn’t. I was kind of hurt by this but I did not to let it bother me because I was getting so MUCH other support from my family, friends, and my other best friend! I did not want these little things interfere with my recovery so I didn’t.

We used to do everything together and when I mean everything, I really mean it. We were always together. I lived at her house and I loved her and her family. We got along so well and laughed and always had a good time 🙂 But I guess some people just don’t understand ED and when they know someone who has one they either don’t know what to do or they don’t want anything to do with them anymore. In my case I think it was a little bit of both. Last summer whenever my other best friend and I called her, she would never want to hang out with us. She was either busy or doing something else. It was almost like she was too good for us now that she was in college and now that I had an ED, it was like she wanted nothing to do with us anymore. I probably saw her once or twice and when I did it was totally awkward, it was like we were never friends before. It is very sad that I lost one of my best friends.

So a few weeks ago I got a random facebook message from her asking me how I was Also, we are no longer fb friends because she de-friended me this past winter, I don’t know why, but she did! But anyways, I haven’t talked to her in a months and she was never there for me before but all of a sudden she was being nice and asking how I was doing. I still have yet to reply to her message because I honestly don’t know what I should do. I mean I really wanna message her back and become friends again like we used to be, but then again why should I. She was never concerned with me when I was going through really tough times, but now she is?!

Did you ever lose a best friend? And if so how did you deal with it?

So now that I have shed a few tears while writing this post, I am going to relax the rest of the night and watch the awesome Tuesday night t.v. line up with The Biggest Loser and the season premieres of The Hills and The City =)

Don’t forget to enter my Justin’s peanut butter giveaway! You have all the way until next Monday to get those entries in 😉

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16 thoughts on “Best friends

  1. I'd say your friend probably had no idea how to help you or support you.I don't think she was trying to be a bitch, I just genuinely think she was at a loss for what to do — sometimes we forget that people who don't understand eating disorders also have no idea how to help. We get used to the blogworld knowing what to say, but it's not a normal sample of people.I think her "defriending" you was probably her way of showing you that she doesn't agree with your hurting yourself, and she's trying to reinforce the fact that if you want to be friends, you have to actively try to get better. It seems like you've been in denial for a long time (no offense) and this was probably her way of saying "i'm not condoning this behavior"her coming back to you shows that she isn't actually mad, she's genuinely concerned and wants to help but doesn't know how. what would I do? I would be completely honest with her and tell her how you're doing. I bet she was totally concerned the whole time. Let her back into your life — more support, the better. More love, the better.

  2. Hey Jenna-I know exactly how you feel, when i was admitted to the hospital in my senior year of high school, I lost one of my best friends- I felt that she didn't care/support me/just couldn't deal with how I had become with the ED and so we just fell out and stopped talking. About a year later I saw that she got a facebook so I messaged her to see how she was doing and what I found out was that she had been very concerned for me but had no idea how to express it. Having an ED is hard for friends to deal with, they just don't know how to approach it/you and sometimes they truly do care but they just don't show it the right way or instead distance themselves. That's weird that that friend defriended you though, I would definitely be hurt by that as well.I would say reply to her message, tell her how you felt/still feel- about how she acted/defriending you etc, it might just be a misunderstanding that spun out of control.Best of luckSara

  3. I have a friend like this and I have "taken her back" so many times but she does the same thing every time. I think you should only surround yourself with people who care about you, and it doesn't sound like she's been a great friend to you in the past! Maybe you could just be up front about it and ask her why she dropped off the face of the earth. Be strong!

  4. Hey Jenna!Thank you for sharing your experience with your friend. I know that I have made the mistake of letting good friends go, so maybe she realizes the mistake she made in letting you go. I would encourage you to be open with her and ask why she had become so distant. It might be best just to get it out in the open so you girls can move forward.-Emily

  5. my best friend since second grade and i grew apart last year (junior year of college) and i've accepted it. i dont think if we tried to be friends again, that it would be the same. i think it would be silly of me to think that everything can go back to the way it used to be because the nature of our relationship just isnt the same.i think its a good idea for you to be friends with her but dont expect the same relationship you had before – and there's nothing wrong with that. we always change friends throughout our lives.whatever happens, hope you're happy girl!

  6. Have you ever thought of reading your posts before you post them? You always have a lot of typos or poor wording and sometimes you don't make any sense. Just so you know if you feel like fixing it.

  7. Hiya! the EXACT same thing happened to me with all three of my best friends. There were all there for me at the beggining. Then started dropping off like flies after a while. One left out of sheer sadness, another, in an angry way, and another left v.discreetly (not answerning calls and stuff like that). I guess their different personalities made them react in different ways. The overall tone was "were too upset to see u doing this to yourself" and also frustration and anger for hurting them and not listening to their help.Anyway, my NUMBER ONE bessie and me, my sis seperated from birth, who actually lives a few doors down from me (awkward) we dont speak anymore and I would LOVE to be friends with her, weve known each other since i was 2 and now nearly 22. My other mate, were great now, good friends, and keep in touch, the final one, well, were fine! our lives have just taken different paths. Sorry, im ramblin my own little therapy sess here! My advice would be to gofor it, get in touch with her, you have grown as a person in this last year, and let go of your past, so why not do the same with her? try it, you might regret it otherwise.xxxx

  8. Hey Jenna!I know I don't usually comment, but this is something that is very close to my heart. A lot of my eating disorder was caused by the lost of my one and only best friend. It was the hardest time in my life, and things are never going to be the same with her.In your situation, I would try to openly talk to her. You said yourself that sometimes EDs are just hard to understand and maybe she wasn't strong enough to be strong for the both of you during your struggles. If you give her a chance to explain, you might be surprised.On the other hand, it is NOT FAIR for her to just skip over your recovery and want to be best friends again now that you are better. True friends will stand by your side, NO MATTER WHAT, even if it's scary and hard to deal with.Ultimately, it's up to YOU. YOU get to decide if you want to talk to her again, or cut all ties. Try to ask yourself what you truly want, and then go from there.I am really sorry that you had to go through losing a friend, because I know how painful it can be. Time heals all wounds, I promise :)<3 Tat

  9. I'm sorry you had to go through loosing one of your best friends, I'm so happy for you though that you still have one great friend by your side. I have never gone through loosing a best friendpersonally but I would recomend responding to the message, just dont be too revealing. She either has had a change of heart and is working up an appology or just genuinly wants to know how you are. It is very possible her phasing you out of her life was her way of confronting you and your behaviors that were so harmful…I wish you all the best girl, hang in there!!<3 ❤ <3ps good for you during treatment not letting this hold you back!! ❤

  10. Jenna,I've lost VERY good friends threw out the span of my teens and early twenties. I think it just happens in life, I know SO hard. Sometimes people disappear when we need them most, who knows why! You could always ask her what happened? I know that would be hard to do. I had a girl who was like a sister to me 'forget' about me when I was in IP and it was heart breaking…We are 'long distant' friends now but I never asked her what happened all those years ago, sort of wish I did when I had the chance..Dana <3http://herrainmaker.blogspot.com/

  11. To see someone you love and know turn into a stranger can be difficult for people to handle, and they react in different ways. Some will remain by your side, supporting you as you recover, some will pull back. Perhaps they are afraid of what is the right thing to do, how they should act, and the "easiest" solution seem to stop contacting.I have lost friends due to anorexia, but I do not want to judge these people as I don't know their reasons and have never been in their shoes.I would recommend you to reply her message, but do let her know that you have been hurt and found it difficult that she stopped contacting you when you got sick. That way, if you want, you can try to develope a new friendship and be honest with each other.

  12. I am actually going through the exact same thing right now. While still in high school, I lost my best friend because she started to become jealous of my boyfriend at the time. We went our separate ways after she said some pretty nasty things to me. Now, almost 5 years later, I just received a fb message from her this morning. Not sure what I should do either. My initial response was to write back and be friendly. Now, I am not so sure. Why would I (or in your case, you) put in the effort when there was nothing coming from the other person in a long time? It sounds like your friend also initiated the "breakup".. it just doesnt seem worth it to me.But then again, aren't we supposed to forgive and forget? Ugh.Good luck sweetie 🙂

  13. Jenna, thank you for finding my blog because it led me to yours and it is wonderful! I can definitely relate to this post. Some people don't know how to handle ED's affect on their friends. It is definitely a frightening thing and so upsetting to see someone you know and love spiral "out as control" as they see it (ironically it is too much control). I even had my sister close me out somewhat for a while when I lost too much weight. She didn't understand how her confident older sister could let this disease take over her. I think maybe you should give her a shot again because obviously she just couldn't handle it before. Of course it was hard on you for her to act as though she didn't care but maybe she just cared too much or was just plain confused. I hope you are feeling a little better about the situation now.

  14. sorry you had to go through this. i've had my share of ups and downs in friendship and i guess i've learnt to just deal with it. to me, the only ones you can truly rely on is family.

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